Accepting myself as the failure I am

I have come to realise my fear of fucking up has pretty much cemented my position in life as a failure. It has stopped me from trying a long list of things. Too many to even try (and fail) to recall.
No matter how much I’ve wanted to achieve something I end up not even attempting it because I’ve worried so much about the outcome that I talk myself out of even trying.
I have this unrealistic expectation that I will be a pro on my first go, and since that really is very rarely accurate I usually give up pretty much immediately, and when I ultimately mess up I tell myself ‘I told you so’ and am reminded not to try anything ever again.


Be gentle


Why I'm oversharing on the internet

I admit it. I’ve been guilty of judging other people when I’ve seen their TMI insta posts, twitter rants or oversharing blog posts in the past. I’ve seen these posts as them being needy and attention seeking. Part of that was derived from how I saw other people respond to them too. I used their reactions to monitor how much of myself was acceptable to share.

It soon made me realise that my feelings were ‘too much’ and that I should probably keep it to myself.

We’re forever taught we shouldn’t be too much of anything. And I totally believed it. 100%.
Don’t be too emotional, too needy, too raw, too loud, too open. Don’t share too much.

Well here I am being quote : ‘needy’ and 'attention seeking' and oversharing all over the internet.


A love letter to myself

I’m sorry for treating you so badly.
For putting you down
For criticising every little thing you did and said
For telling you you weren’t enough
For underestimating you.


on being the psycho ex girlfriend

I’m growing a list of things that make me want to bin a guy immediately and one of those things is when he describes his ex as psycho. Because unless he continues to tell me that she burnt his house down or that she boiled his pet rabbit then I’m very very dubious that she was actually in fact a psychopath.

And I say this because I’m pretty sure it’s a term that's been used to describe me plenty of times.


Acts of self care


How Tinder stopped me being a people pleaser

Have you seen the film Coming to America? Remember that part where the Prince has to meet his potential suitors, after some elaborate introductions in an attempt to get to know one of them he asks the girl what sort of interests she has; her response? ‘I like whatever you like’.

Hi! Hello, that’s me!!

I have no idea what made me this way but I have always wanted everyone to like me. Yes, everyone. I’ve spent a large portion of my life making sure I’m pleasant and have worked really hard on being nice. My vows as a people pleaser : I will agree with everything you say, I will always put you first and I will bend over backwards whilst the words 'I don’t mind’ literally fall out my mouth any time I'm asked a question or my opinion. 


Can self care be bad for you?

During any time of healing you have to be extra nice to yourself. Of course you deserve another duvet day. Yes you can have another glass of wine. Why not buy that cute top if it makes you feel better? 
But I’ve started to wonder if too much self care can actually have the opposite effect. Can it be bad for you?

Recently I've been making the most of focussing on myself, embracing the yolo attitude and putting myself first in every way possible and I’ve come to realise there is a fine line between self care and self sabotage that is so easily crossed.


Trust them.


What nobody tells you about taking antidepressants

They tell you nothing. That’s what.

Since I started taking antidepressants just over one year ago I have made a deliberate effort to be as open as possible and talk freely with basically anyone who’ll listen about my experience, because quite simply no one ever does.
Or no one ever did with me at least.


You don't have to be one type of person


© half hearted club. Design by FCD.