New blog, who dis?

I’m not gonna lie, 2017 didn’t exactly go to plan. What’s weird is I’m not normally one to make ~plans. You won’t find me wishing to ‘insert life milestone' by the time I’m 30 (good job as I’d be too late lol). But it just so happened that the year I actually decided it was ‘my year’, where I actively worked specifically to try to achieve huge growth and prosperity turned into a period of set backs, loneliness and depression. Sounds fun right? It kind of crept up on me but I guess looking back it was a long time coming.

Over the last few weeks my social media feeds have been filled with everyones round ups of achievements from the last 12 months, and whilst I’ve been filled with so much love and admiration seeing everyone winning at life, it’s not stopped me feeling a little bit terrified about the new year ahead.

As much as I wanted 2017 to be over, I really didn’t want 2018 to begin. I always put too much pressure on my self to get things perfect and right first time. And every new year is no exception. If I don’t turn into a shiny new person on January 1st then I quickly start to feel like a big failure. So in the spirit of making a change, and now that we’re a few days past the deadline of having to start the new year a fresh I wanted to start something, well, fresh and new. lol.

Looking back through the year I feel kind of detached from reality, like did 2017 even happen? I’ve been going through this existential crisis where I feel like every part of my life has fallen away and I don't know who I am anymore.
What’s more difficult to explain is that it’s not like anything significant or deeply traumatic really happened. Which means it’s been easy to feel like I’m just been being v. over dramatic. But there were several moments where I just didn’t want to exist at all, so I guess the real achievement of last year is that I made it through?

I’ve been left here wondering what to do next.

You might be asking why now? Why am I over-sharing all this on the internet?
Well quite frankly after having the realisation that everything I’ve been doing for so long just isn’t working, I know that if I want things to change I should probably try doing the opposite of what I’m used to - which is hiding away and pretending everything is fine.
This is my attempt to finally do the things I’ve been wanting to do. To get over myself and stop being so scared of every.fucking.thing.

Honestly just feel like I don’t know what I’m doing and need some space to work that out. I want some creative freedom and starting something new seems like the right place for that.
I don’t really know where this is all headed. I don’t have it all planned out. I can’t promise this will even be any good. But I’m here and I’m doing it and that’s what matters ... And hopefully some cute dog drawings will help take the edge off.

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