8.9.18

Is having a mid life crisis really such a bad thing?


I’ve been affectionately referring to this latest period of my life as my 'midlife crisis' (for arguments sake I’m going with ‘mid-life’ but who knows when I’m actually gonna die really …)
Since the new year and my new found situation of being single, moving back to my hometown and closing down my almost 7 year old business I’ve been doing some things which might be considered ~pretty~ out of character. Some of which have probably been raising a few eyebrows amongst people who know me (and my new neighbours) but are too polite to say anything.
I’ve had seven new piercings in the space of a few months, my home decor is rivalling Barbie’s dream house with the amount of pink that’s involved, I've painted my curtains with dalmatian spots, I’m getting my teeth whitened, I’ve drank *a lot* of wine and have been very much making the most of Tinder (those last two may or may not be related) I bought myself a 12ft trampoline for my garden … Oh and I’ve started a blog where I overshare my thoughts and feelings with the entire internet.

Ordinarily I would view the term midlife crisis as a negative thing - where everything’s gone wrong, the panic sets in and you realise you’ve wasted your youth. So now the only option is to go 100mph trying to tick off some ridiculous bucket list.
I guess that’s not far off my experience and in many ways I do feel like I’m making up for lost time, but now that I’m going through it myself I definitely have a different perspective. The initial realisation that your life isn’t what you wanted, that you weren’t as happy as you thought you were, or that you've ended up in a place you never thought you'd be is absolutely terrifying and awful. To evaluate where you’re at and just think ‘wtf have I been doing?’ is overwhelmingly disorientating. But then when you get over that initial -for-want-of-a-better-word- shit bit and really stop overthinking everything and start putting yourself first it’s actually really liberating.

First off you've come to the realisation that you've apparently been doing it wrong for a long time but hey you're still here, so maybe not having any clue what's going on isn't too much of a bad thing.
And secondly you’ve basically made the decision that your enjoyment of life is more important than making someone else happy, doing what you ‘think you should be doing’ or worrying what other people think. You’re actively stepping out of your comfort zone and focusing on YOU. And really the only negative part of it is that you haven’t been doing that the whole time you’ve been alive.
There is no such thing as lost time anyway, it all just makes you appreciate things more. Everyone takes time to get where they need to be. I’m using my midlife crisis to heal and really learn who I am again, and if I’m someone who makes bagels at 11pm whilst listening to D&B then so be it.

And just to be clear, if you make any insanely misguided decisions and end up doing a bunch of stupid things during this time that you later regret then you can legitimately blame it all on your midlife crisis, because ~really~ when you’ve been through whatever you’ve been through to make you do all that stuff, can you even be held responsible for your actions? Britney made it through 2007, you got this.
As long as you’re working on yourself and coming out the other side more ‘you’ than before then I don’t think it’s so bad.

So yeah, I’m pretty happy with how my midlife crisis is going thanks very much. Yes it’s a bit scary and uncertain but that's very much ok.

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