on being the psycho ex girlfriend

I’m growing a list of things that make me want to bin a guy immediately and one of those things is when he describes his ex as psycho. Because unless he continues to tell me that she burnt his house down or that she boiled his pet rabbit then I’m very very dubious that she was actually in fact a psychopath.

And I say this because I’m pretty sure it’s a term that's been used to describe me plenty of times.

It’s becoming one of those catchphrases you could tick off on a game of dating app bingo of the things you find in guys bios along with ‘looking for someone who doesn’t take herself too seriously’ and ‘I’ve got all my own teeth and hair”. (Umm, ok. Good for u?)
Maybe they think it’s just an easy way to skirt over any details of why their past relationships ended. Maybe they think it will make us all feel better if we think their ex was crazy ~ coz don’t worry you’re gonna be 100 times better.
Is it a sign that they want me to fit the mould of the ‘chill, cool, relaxed new gf’ because I don’t think I can do that either, sorry.

Look, I totally get that everyone is trying to impress each other on their first few dates - so OF COURSE they’re not gonna big their ex up in any way or want to waste their breath talking about them. But seriously we need to recognise that there are better ways of doing this than just casually passing their exes off as having a mental disorder which made them unfit for a relationship.

It’s very easy to take their word for it too. To nod along and agree with them that they made a lucky escape, because they usually forget to mention all the shit things they did that most likely sparked, or at least encouraged their ex’s irrational behaviour.

When you break it down, in reality it’s an easy catch all term to describe a girl who is upset. And guess what - being upset usually happens as a result of y’know - gOiNG tHroUgh A bREaK uP.
And that break up could have happened for a number of reasons that he’s not divulging; maybe she finally stood up for herself, maybe she was outraged with his poor behaviour. Maybe she called him out on being a complete twat, for leading her on or for not giving more than the absolute bare minimum. Maybe she had no idea he was going to dump her so she’s just hurt.

And I’m so sick of being told that feelings are things that need to be damped down and hidden. Wow so your ex gave in to her emotions and made it clear she was upset? Who does she think she is??

So when a guy refers to his ex as psycho I remind myself that hey, he might as well be talking about me (and try not to roll my eyes *too* hard)
But it helps to keep in mind that if anything it just shows his emotional unawareness, how easily he can disrespect someone he once apparently had feelings for, and how casually he his able to deny any blame of why his last relationship failed.

Or maybe she is actually psycho? … but probably not.


  1. When a guy says "I want a girl who doesn't take herself too seriously" what he really wants is someone who won't hold consequences for the things he says/does to them, or is that unachievable level of effortlessly perfect.



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