26.6.20

Change the way you speak to yourself




Have you ever taken a moment to really listen how cruel you can be to yourself? Next time you’re in a situation where you have to step out your comfort zone by facing a challenge but end up talking yourself out of it, or even just when someone gives you a compliment and you immediately shut them down. Listen to what you’re saying. 

YOu CaN’t dO THiS
ThEy DoN'T LikE yOu
yOu'RE So sTuPId
ThIS wOn’t WoRk
yoU’Ll fAiL  
ThEy’l LEaVe 

Recognise any of those? They’re some of the milder things I tell myself. 

When someone is being a complete twat, I often try to question why. What could possibly compel someone to act such a way? So, I asked my inner troll; Why tf are you being such a bitch? 
The answer? They’re scared for us. 

This self sabotaging voice is a familiar one in my head. Sometimes it may seem like it's just looking out for me - giving all its "don’t fall in love else you’ll get hurt again” vibes, but in the end you have to question if it’s helpful to be *that* over protective. And, more importantly if you want to live by the guidelines it's setting out for you.   

The protective mask of it all lulls me into a false sense of security : 'don’t do that scary new challenging thing, stay here nice and cosy in your comfort zone'.
Most of the time I’m a willing subject. I follow the rules imposed by my inner Debbie Downer and don't do the thing. I miss the opportunity. 

That’s when I'd remember that my inner voice is a backstabbing bitch. 

Because the moment I give up and agree to do as it says, there’s a quick change of tune : ’SEE you’re rubbish, you never succeed at anything! I told you so’. 

It's a vicious, never ending circle. So it’s best to try and avoid it altogether.
Treat it like the troll it is. 
Block & delete. 

I try to avoid getting stuck in the loop by being more aware of what will set off my inner voice. 
You can guarantee it's something important, or something that I *really* want to do. Usually it’s when I push myself to try something new, to exist in my stretch zone for a bit, or even something as simple as deciding what to wear in the morning. Whatever it is, you can bet my inner troll will have something to say about it. 
It’s been useful to recognise what triggers these negative thoughts in my head so I can be better prepared for its arrival. 

When it does rear its ugly head I’m getting better at challenging what it’s telling me. 

I interrogate that inner voice, is what it’s telling me really true? I list off examples from my past which disproves its theories about how shit I am. Like in movies when the underdog stands up to the bully, you realise the bully hasn't got anything to back up his claims. Suddenly they're not so tough. I've started to realise the things it tells me so convincingly are not true. 
I’m slowly learning that the stories I tell myself in my head are exactly that, stories. 

They are however, stories I have been telling myself for years. They are engrained in me, but the fortunate things is that I can change what happens next. 
I've started small. 
Simply by commenting ‘cute’ every time I saw myself in the mirror. Yes I can confirm it was just as cringe as it sounds, but after a while I didn’t even have to say it anymore. The thought is just there in my head like a reflex because I’ve practised speaking louder than the negative comments.

The more you can remind your inner troll of what you’re actually capable of the weaker it gets. 
LOOK. You can do it. And you ARE doing it. So just shut up ok? 
Obvs we need to be realistic here and accept that the Negative Nancy in our head is never going to completely disappear.  But we can make it so small and insignificant that it no longer stops you in your tracks. 

Since I’ve been changing the way I speak to myself I’ve noticed how openly we all voice our inner negativity. 
It’s literally so sad how NORMAL this all is. And for some reason we just accept it. 
But why? 
I would never in a million years say these things to anyone else. 

I would never let anyone else speak to me like this. 

So it’s time for it to stop. If I wouldn’t say something to a child, my best friend, or a small kitten then I’m not going to say it to myself. And neither should you. 
See yourself as a human being. Treat with compassion and tell the neggy bitch inside your head to fuck off.

Fill your head with positivity. Give out compliments, absorb kindness. Get comfortable hearing nice things about yourself. Say thank you for the compliment. Go one step further and actually believe it. Tell people what you love about yourself. Laugh at your own jokes. Dwell on your acheivments.

 Let’s normalise bigging ourselves up. 

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